The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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