So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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