I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
