dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
