I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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