just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I want her autograph on my taint
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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