So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't deserve a penis
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
