i wish my penis had a tongue
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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