all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
