You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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