I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
how drunk are you?
Several
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
