I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
