The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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