I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
