I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
