There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
