I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
sex in a hospital.. check
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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