Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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