You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize