it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
