If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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