So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
