Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
