Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
