dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
