if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
