the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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