Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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