how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
