as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
