how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
