you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
