I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
