just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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