im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
