just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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