Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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