Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
