Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
