I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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