dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
