I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
