if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
