Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize