he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
