the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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