im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
