I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize