I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
