Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
