Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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