he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
