I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize