Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
