roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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