Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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