Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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