I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
