I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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