Already got asked if we're dating
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
