you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
