hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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