Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
