I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
