Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
