I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
