Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
