Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
