When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My vagina just recognized that song.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
