I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
