And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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