yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
